Does the thought of death fear you? Are you afraid that one day, your loved ones pass away?
I am.
Thoughts have been running wild in my brain, and I keep thinking incessantly about the bad stuffs that can happen.
I'm so afraid of what will happen when my parents *touch wood* passes away. I guess I am still not emotionally strong enough to cope with the notion of death. I seriously do not think I will be able to recover and function properly when such a thing *touch wood* hits me.
Yes, I am weak.
I can't imagine my life without any of my parents. The lack of the TV sound which my dad always watches; the vacuuming that takes place everyday, that my mum does religiously to keep it clean.. It will be so empty, if all these disappears.
Looking back at my primary school days, I feel ashamed of an incident when my mum fell down as I was rushing to school, and I just shouted at her to hurry up. Apparently she sprained a bit of her ankle. But she still accompanied me to school. And then she went home.
I was of course, given a scolding by my dad when I reached home.
I guess at that time, I did not know how important kinship was. My small world only revolved around me. But now, as I grow older and think more, I start to worry more for my parents. And the ultimate worry of all: death.
I guess I am afraid of such a thing happening.
But death, is inevitable. How I wish it wasn't.
Maybe I shouldn't have been given the rights to be a human in the first place. I'm too weak to deal with death.
My dear friend, if you happen to chance this blog, please stand by me when such things happen. I will need as much help as possible, and even then, there is no certainty that I will get over it.
Maybe it isn't as much as getting over it. Maybe it's about leaving it in a void in the brain.
Let's get this shit out of here.
I love you Mum and Dad. I really do.
